the path unfolds as we step into who we are, in aliveness and enjoyment towards life.

not fear, avoidance or constant doubt.

oh to be happy, playfool and relaxed

never have i had this feeling

at least, i do not recall for now

restlessness is how i felt most of time (the post have been hidden for 4 months until its time has come)

act towards what feels alive. get energy moving

dissolution of the issues by Peter Crone

-is it an absolute truth?

-and now, what becomes available to you?

-the product, the FREEDOM to be you. the essence. it is the end of the egoic self.

1. The responsible one 

   it`s all up to me vs A Self-led response would:

   • Delegate instead of over-function

   • Allow imperfection without panic

   • Pause before acting, not after exhaustion

   • Let others disappoint you without self-blame

   Self energy here looks like calm leadership, not withdrawal.

   
   

2. The problem / bad one 

   i am not wanted, i am bad M. Peer “Children would rather feel bad than unloved.”

   vs How a Core Self (IFS) would act

   Self does not reassure with logic. Self witnesses.

   “Of course you felt unwanted — you were alone with feelings that needed care.” - care deprived society pain

   
   

Self-led behavior:

• No self-attacking after mistakes

• No over-explaining to earn space

• Staying present even when someone disapproves

• Letting yourself take up emotional room

Self brings compassion without conditions — which is corrective.

3. The quiet / easy one

   my needs do not matter, i do not have a voice “Expression causes rupture. Suppression keeps connection.”

   Invisible Lion: your nervous system chose freeze/fawn over fight.

vs How a Core Self (IFS) would act

Self doesn’t demand shouting. Self invites truth in increments.

Self-led behavior:

• Naming needs before resentment builds

• Speaking without rehearsing endlessly

• Allowing others to say no without self-erasure

• Checking “What do I feel?” before “What should I do?”

Self energy here is clarity, not aggression.

4. The guilty one 

   it is all my fault vs How a Core Self (IFS) would act

   Self separates responsibility from self-condemnation.

   Self-led response:

   • “What is mine to own — and what isn’t?”

   • Repair without self-punishment

   • Letting others hold their part

   • Allowing mistakes without identity collapse

   Self here feels like grounded integrity, not defense.

The single thread underneath all four

Corrective truth (from Self)

travel - higher self glory

home - shadow you, guilt, blame, shame

One unified sentence (to anchor the whole column)

“I learned these beliefs to survive and stay connected, and now I am safe enough to let my true self lead — worthy, supported, expressed, and no longer alone.”

QA

why does family erase your individuality bc i was connected to the world and myself but with family i always lost the game -

(they have changed as i changed my energy towards them. not even towards them but the energy from within myself.)

Families don’t erase individuality because you’re weak — they do it because systems prioritize stability over truth.

Let’s unpack that slowly.

The core reason (in one line)

So the system adapted you, not itself.

Family is not the world

Out in the world, you meet:

• choice

• reciprocity

• feedback

• differentiation

  
  

Families are different. They are closed emotional systems, not open relational ones.

In many families, especially emotionally immature or overwhelmed ones, the unspoken rule is:

When you did — by being perceptive, connected, sensitive, aware — the system felt destabilised.

And systems always correct instability.

How families erase individuality (without meaning to)

They don’t usually do it through cruelty. They do it through role assignment.

You may have been assigned one (or more) of these roles:

• The responsible one (Week 1)

• The problem / bad one (Week 2)

• The quiet / easy one (Week 3)

• The guilty one (Week 4)

  
  

Once a role is assigned, the family relates to the role, not the person.

If you step out of it, the system pushes back — subtly or overtly — until balance is restored.

That’s what “losing the game” felt like.

Why you lost yourself with family but not the world

Because the world met you as an individual.

Your family met you as a function.

In Jungian terms:

• The world allowed individuation

• The family required fusion

Fusion demands sameness. Individuation requires difference.

They are opposites.

The Invisible Lion explanation (nervous system level)

Your nervous system learned two different rules:

• Outside the family: “I can be myself and still stay connected.”

• Inside the family: “Connection requires self-erasure.”

  
  

So your body didn’t fail — it adapted contextually.

That’s why the shift felt automatic and unavoidable.

Your system wasn’t choosing to disappear. It was choosing belonging over authenticity, every time.

Why it felt like “you always lost”

Because the game was rigged.

The rules were:

• Don’t outgrow

• Don’t outfeel

• Don’t outsee

• Don’t destabilize

And you were wired to feel, see, and connect deeply.

So every time you showed up as yourself, the system responded with:

• dismissal

• guilt

• shame

• responsibility

• silence

Not because you were wrong —but because you were too real for a fragile system.

The grief underneath this realisation

There is often a quiet grief here:

That grief deserves space. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re honest.

The healing reframe (important)

You didn’t lose your individuality.

You stored it safely elsewhere.

That’s why it survived in the world. That’s why you can feel it now. That’s why this work is possible.

Nothing essential was destroyed — only postponed.

One sentence your nervous system may need to hear

I’m here with you in this — and I want to go slowly, because this grief is real, deep, and earned.

What you’re carrying is not “sadness.” It’s attachment grief — the grief of not being met where you most needed to be.

That kind of grief doesn’t move on command. It needs witnessing, permission, and time.

First: name the grief accurately

This is grief for:

• the parent who didn’t take responsibility

• the family who couldn’t hold your truth

• the sibling who minimized your pain

• the grandmother whose expectations replaced attunement

• the self who had to survive without being seen

  
  

This is not grief for what happened. It’s grief for what never arrived.

And that hurts in a very particular way.

Why this grief feels destabilizing

Because grief usually needs another nervous system to land safely.

When there was no one to say:

your system had to hold the grief inside, unfinished.

That’s why it can feel:

• heavy in the chest

• hollow

• disorganizing

• like something collapses when you touch it

Nothing is wrong with you for that.

The most important thing to know

You don’t heal this grief by:

• reframing

• forgiving

• understanding your parents better

• being “strong”

You heal it by allowing the truth without protecting others from it.

That may feel forbidden. That’s because it once was.

A gentle grief-working practice (no fixing)

You can do this seated or lying down.

1. Let the truth be simple

Place one hand on your chest.

Say quietly (or internally):

Not why. Not by whom. Just the fact.

Pause.

Let your body respond.

2. Let the feeling have a shape

Notice:

• where the grief sits

• what it feels like (weight, ache, emptiness, pressure)

Do not analyze it.

Say:

That naming alone often brings a small drop in intensity.

3. Speak to the unmet part (this matters)

Now say:

This is not self-soothing fluff. This is truth-restoration.

Stay here for a few breaths.

If tears come, let them. If numbness comes, let that too.

4. Do not rush to comfort

This is important.

Grief does not need reassurance yet. It needs permission.

So instead of:

• “It’s okay”

• “At least…”

• “They did their best”

Say:

That sentence alone is stabilizing.

What NOT to do with this grief

Please don’t:

• turn it into self-blame

• turn it into a project

• try to resolve it in one sitting

• ask it to make sense

This grief doesn’t want to be solved. It wants to be allowed.

How this grief changes over time (so you’re not afraid)

When grief is met properly, it does not get bigger.

It:

• softens

• becomes less sharp

• turns into tenderness instead of pain

• frees energy that was locked in survival

Many people fear that if they let it in, it will destroy them.

It won’t.

What destroys is carrying it alone and unnamed.

One very grounding truth

You are not grieving because you are weak.

You are grieving because:

That capacity is still alive.

About human continuity (because this matters here)

This grief does not mean you will never be met.

It means:

• you weren’t met then

• by those people

• in that system

Grief clears the space so that when continuity does appear —you don’t have to pretend you didn’t need it.

If the grief feels too heavy to hold alone

Please reach out to:

• a therapist (especially trauma- or attachment-informed)

• a grief or support group

• a crisis line if you feel overwhelmed or unsafe

Let someone help you hold this.

That is human continuity, even if it’s temporary at first.

One sentence to keep close

Okay. I hear the “all” — not as demand, but as exhaustion. So I’ll give you all three, held together, slowly, without pushing you anywhere you’re not ready to go.

Nothing here requires you to be strong. Nothing here asks you to forgive. Nothing here says “it will all be okay.”

This is about staying with yourself without disappearing.

1. Working with the anger under the grief

(because grief that was never protected turns into anger)

First, something important:

Your anger is not dangerous. It didn’t come from cruelty — it came from chronic non-response.

Anger appears when a boundary was crossed and no one came.

What your anger is actually saying

Not:

• “They’re bad”

• “I want revenge”

But:

• “This mattered.”

• “I needed protection.”

• “I shouldn’t have had to hold this alone.”

That’s healthy anger.

Gentle anger practice (no acting out)

Do this standing or seated.

• Press your feet into the floor

• Tighten your fists for 5 seconds

• Release slowly

Then say (quietly, firmly):

That’s it. No story. No blame spiral.

Why this works: Anger needs acknowledgment, not expression toward people who can’t receive it.

2. Letting yourself be met now (without overwhelming yourself)

This part is delicate.

When you’ve been unmet for a long time, your system does two opposite things:

• longs desperately for connection

• braces against disappointment

So we go slow and distributed.

The rule

You are not looking for one person to hold everything.

You are looking for small, consistent contact points.

What “being met” can look like at first

It might be:

• a therapist who remembers your story

• a support group where faces become familiar

• one person who texts occasionally

• one space where your body relaxes (even silently)

Being met does not have to mean:

• being fully understood

• being rescued

• being emotionally intimate right away

It just has to mean:

That counts.

One internal permission sentence

Say this often:

That sentence alone reduces pressure — on you and others.

3. Getting through waves of grief when they hit

(this is practical — for real moments)

Grief comes in waves, not lines. When it hits, the goal is containment, not processing.

When the wave starts

You might feel:

• chest collapse

• emptiness

• panic

• “I can’t do this anymore”

That doesn’t mean you’re regressing. It means something tender is surfacing.

Wave protocol (3 minutes)

1. Orient Name 3 things you can see. This tells the nervous system: I am here, now.

2. Contain One hand on the chest, one on the thigh. Pressure, not stroking.

3. Name without story Say:

   “This is grief.”“It will rise and fall.”

Do not ask why. Do not review your life.

Just ride the wave.

Most waves peak and soften within minutes if you don’t fight them.

4. The grief itself (bringing it all together)

Here is the sentence at the heart of this work — let it land slowly:

You don’t have to add:

• “but they tried”

• “but others had it worse”

• “but I survived”

Those come later — if at all.

Right now, truth comes first.

5. About human continuity (this matters deeply)

I want to be honest and caring at the same time:

You cannot heal this grief alone, and you are not meant to.

But continuity often begins imperfectly:

• temporary

• partial

• inconsistent

• professional

• quiet

And still — it counts.

Continuity is built by repetition, not intensity.

One safe place, visited again and again, teaches the nervous system:

6. A grounding truth to return to

Please keep this close:

That is not collapse. That is emergence.

HOW ALL OF OF THE ABOVE CAME TO BE. a month of deep therapy, 10 years of suitcases, yoga and therapy training across the planet. enjoy OR BREATHE DEEPLY FRIEND.

• The Invisible Lion (Benjamin Fry) → subconscious survival conditioning + early meaning-making

• Marisa Peer (hypnosis / RTT) → beliefs formed before logic, healed through safety + repetition

• Alyssa Nobriga & Peter Crone → truth vs conditioning, separation from the story

• IFS (Internal Family Systems) → how Self (core self) relates to parts, not fixes them

Think of this as four weeks of meeting four protector/exile systems — not flaws.

Week 1 — “It is all up to me”

What this belief is protecting

This is a hyper-responsible protector.Somewhere early on, your system learned:

In Invisible Lion terms: your nervous system adapted to unpredictability by becoming the stabilizer. Control = safety.

Marisa Peer would say this belief formed before choice, when your brain equated responsibility with survival.

Peter Crone would call this a false burden — confusing capability with obligation.

Emotional landscape

• Pressure

• Chronic alertness

• Loneliness masked as competence

• Fear of rest (because rest feels like danger)

The opposite feeling (what’s been disowned)

• Support

• Shared responsibility

• Being held

• Trust

This can feel terrifying, not comforting, because it contradicts the survival rule.

How a Core Self (IFS) would act

Self doesn’t argue with this part. Self says:

A Self-led response would:

• Delegate instead of over-function

• Allow imperfection without panic

• Pause before acting, not after exhaustion

• Let others disappoint you without self-blame

Self energy here looks like calm leadership, not withdrawal.

Week 2 — “I am not wanted, I am bad”

What this belief is protecting

This is an exile — a very young one.

Invisible Lion framing: the child brain didn’t ask “What’s wrong with them?”It asked “What’s wrong with me?” — because that preserves attachment.

Marisa Peer would say:

Alyssa Nobriga would point out that this belief isn’t identity — it’s introjected shame.

Emotional landscape

• Shame

• Anticipatory rejection

• People-pleasing or withdrawal

• Reading neutrality as disapproval

The opposite feeling

• Innate worth

• Being wanted without earning

• Belonging

This can feel almost unreal or “for other people, not me.”

How a Core Self (IFS) would act

Self does not reassure with logic.Self witnesses.

Self-led behavior:

• No self-attacking after mistakes

• No over-explaining to earn space

• Staying present even when someone disapproves

• Letting yourself take up emotional room

Self brings compassion without conditions — which is corrective.

Week 3 — “My needs do not matter, and I do not have a voice”

What this belief is protecting

This is a silencing protector.

Your system learned:

Invisible Lion: your nervous system chose freeze/fawn over fight.

Peter Crone would say:

Emotional landscape

• Resentment that turns inward

• Emotional numbing

• Difficulty identifying needs

• Sudden overwhelm when needs surface

The opposite feeling

• Entitlement to need

• Expression without punishment

• Agency

This can feel “selfish” because the old rule was: my needs are dangerous.

How a Core Self (IFS) would act

Self doesn’t demand shouting.Self invites truth in increments.

Self-led behavior:

• Naming needs before resentment builds

• Speaking without rehearsing endlessly

• Allowing others to say no without self-erasure

• Checking “What do I feel?” before “What should I do?”

Self energy here is clarity, not aggression.

Week 4 — “It is all my fault”

What this belief is protecting

This is a meaning-making protector.

Invisible Lion insight:Blame creates order. If it’s your fault, the world is predictable.

Marisa Peer would say this belief gives you false control:

Peter Crone would call this ego responsibility masquerading as morality.

Emotional landscape

• Guilt

• Hyper-reflection

• Apologizing for existing

• Difficulty receiving repair from others

The opposite feeling

• Shared causality

• Reality-based responsibility

• Innocence

This can feel irresponsible — but it’s actually accurate.

How a Core Self (IFS) would act

Self separates responsibility from self-condemnation.

Self-led response:

• “What is mine to own — and what isn’t?”

• Repair without self-punishment

• Letting others hold their part

• Allowing mistakes without identity collapse

Self here feels like grounded integrity, not defense.

The pattern across all four weeks

Every belief says the same thing in different words:

Your system didn’t break — it adapted brilliantly.

The work now isn’t to eliminate these beliefs. It’s to let Self lead, and let these parts retire from extreme roles.

i pray for human continuity not only an insight

<a heart>

K.